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Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco
by Burt Prelutsky

America Alone
by Mark Steyn


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  Liberal Fat Cats
And Other Things That Need Fixing

by Burt Prelutsky [scriptwriter] 2/19/07

omebody recently observed that it is a waste of time to argue with idiots because they drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.  It’s a good line, but not exactly true.  What it fails to take into account is that there are so many idiots out there -- liberals, Socialists, Obama groupies -- that we sane ones get plenty of experience ourselves having to deal with the cuckoos each and every day.


Scriptwriter Burt Prelutsky has writing credits from some of television’s best known series as well as having been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. [go to Prelutsky index]

For so many decades, we have heard that the Republican party is home to the fat cats that even people who should know better accept it as gospel.  It’s a given that certain groups (the unions, criminal attorneys, the oil industry, the environmental industry) will favor one party over the other, but when it comes to those really obese felines, I immediately think of such deep-pocketed leftists as George Soros, Paul Newman, Norman Lear, Ben & Jerry’s Ben and Jerry, Ted Turner, Bruce Springsteen, David Geffen, Barbra Streisand, Steven Spielberg, Teresa Kerry and 95% of Hollywood’s elite.  Who are the comparable right-wingers who spring to mind?

The thing I dislike the most about defenders of illegal aliens is that they lie so much.  They will say, for instance -- with a straight face, mind you -- that these people put far more into the economy than they take out in terms of social and health services, education and crime.  That’s true only if we’re talking about the Mexican economy.  Most of the money these people earn in our country is off the books, in the form of non-taxable cash.  On top of which, a large percentage of their income goes back to Mexico in the form of money orders.  If you don’t think so, come stand in line with me at my local post office.

Although Mexico protects its own southern border from Central Americans with a take-no-prisoners zeal, the U.S. is expected to be a dumping ground for its underclass of illiterates and criminals.  There used to be something called the brain drain.  It meant that the smartest and most ambitious people in England and Europe were leaving their homelands in order to make their mark in America.  In the case of Mexico, we’re the beneficiary of what might be called the bean drain.

Compounding the problem, we see one hypocrite after another moving into Mexico’s presidential palace.  Calderon is shorter than Fox, but they are otherwise interchangeable.  In his latest statement, Calderon claimed that the fence we’re erecting is comparable to the Berlin Wall.  Do you really think el presidente doesn’t know the difference between a wall built to keep people in and one built to keep people out?

Next, am I the only person who looked at Sen. James Webb deliver his rebuttal to Bush’s State of the Union address and was reminded of Cindy Sheehan?  The senator, as usual, reminded us that he has a son serving in Iraq.  Presumably, young Webb joined this all-volunteer army in order to fight Islamic terrorism.  I wonder how he and his comrades felt hearing the old man essentially calling them fools who are risking life and limb for no good reason.

This being the season for movie awards, the drums are once again beating for director Martin Scorsese.  His disciples just can’t get over the fact that poor Marty hasn’t yet won an Oscar.  Well, having suffered through the 2 ½ hour “The Departed,” I have a suggestion to make.  Enough with the gangster movies!  The goombahs simply aren’t all that fascinating.  Since he’s never going to make a gangster flick as good as Coppola’s “Godfather,” anyway, perhaps it’s time he tried making a romantic comedy or a musical.  If it’s any consolation, Alfred Hitchcock never won an Oscar, and it didn’t kill him.

While I’m handing out good, sound advice, I’ll say a few words for the benefit of soccer.  It is, to begin with, basically a third world sport because it only requires a relatively flat service and any round object -- ball, cocoanut, skull --  that can be kicked around.  In place of strategy, it requires stamina; as much from the spectators as from the participants, if you ask me.  If they want the sport to catch on at all in this country, they have to change the way points are scored.  We Americans are simply too impatient to sit around and watch games that usually wind up 1-0 or 2-1.  Perhaps they can double the size of the nets or at least tie one of the goalie’s legs to a post.  All I know is that, David Beckham or no David Beckham, soccer will go the way of canasta and mah-jongg if they can’t come up with enough scoring to provide point spreads.  After all, without point spreads for the betting public, football would be rugby. CRO



Copyright 2007 Burt Prelutsky





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