Contributor Burt Prelutsky Scriptwriter Burt Prelutsky has writing credits from some of television’s best known series as well as having been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. [go to Prelutsky index]

Conservatives are from Mars (Liberals are from San Francisco) by Burt Prelutsky

What’s particularly peculiar is that these are the very same people who dislike white American males of European descent, but who can’t stop gushing about white European males. Go figure.

These numbskulls insisted that Bush was a puppet of the Saudis, but ignored the fact that they begged him not to invade Iraq. That’s the kind of puppet that only Stephen King could dream up. Without missing a step, they claimed that we were only invading Iraq in order to capture its oil fields. While they no longer repeat that lie, they also never admitted they were mistaken. Odd, though, that they didn’t seem to notice that we didn’t confiscate Kuwait’s oil fields after driving out Saddam Hussein in ’91. Instead, they hailed France and Russia for refusing to depose Hussein, ignoring the sweetheart deals both countries had with the oil broker of Baghdad.

One of the favorite lies the leftists like to parrot is that the U.S. is an imperialistic power. Wouldn’t even the dumbest of them have figured out that if we were, we’d have far-flung colonies to show for it? At the very least, wouldn’t we have invaded Cuba by this time and sent Castro packing, the way that America’s cigar smokers have long demanded?

The truth is, Europe is a hodgepodge of second-rate powers who don’t trust each other, and with good reason. A few of them are so fearful of their own Muslim populations that they actually feel they have to line up with Hezbollah and Al-Qaeda against Israel. Of course, being as anti-Semitic as so many Europeans are, they’d probably swing that way in any case.

These loony Americans also tend to side with the Islamic fascists against the only democracy in the Middle East. So in spite of the fact that the Muslims represent the antithesis of everything that liberals theoretically espouse -- free speech, equal rights for women, separation of state and religion, the rule of law, free elections -- our lefties consistently side with the followers of Mohammad.

They also argue that if only America would get out of the Middle East, Islamic terrorism would come to an end. Once again they choose to ignore the facts; namely that the terrorist acts were being committed long before we rescued Kuwait. They also choose to ignore the fact that terrorist bombings in India, Spain, Bali, Africa, England, Japan, the Philippines, etc., etc., have nothing to do with the United States. Likewise, the slaughter of Christians in Lebanon and other parts of the world has nothing to do with us or Israel, for that matter. It has everything to do with their blind hatred of the civilized world.

Of course these American leftists never get upset about suicide bombings in Israel or the anti-Semitic ravings of Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. It’s only when Israel defends itself against the lunatics who have sworn to exterminate the Jews that these moral midgets work themselves into a proper frenzy.

Quite honestly, not only do I not admire European values, such as they are, but I can’t think of a single European tradition I’d want us to adopt. I don’t want to run naked through the snow like the Finns, I don’t want to have dinner at 11 p.m. like the Spaniards, and I sure don’t want to wave a white flag every time a car back-fires like the French! CRO

Copyright 2006 Burt Prelutsky