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Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco
by Burt Prelutsky

America Alone
by Mark Steyn


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PRELUTSKY Down With The Independent Voter
by Burt Prelutsky [scriptwriter] 7/18/06 

Mainly because President Bush and his Republican cohorts are so wishy-washy when it comes to the plague of illegal aliens, I am hearing from a lot of disgruntled conservatives who are threatening to vote for Democrats in November.

I suspect that not too many of them will actually carry out their threat to cut off their nose to spite their face. But I do believe that if the Republican congressmen and senators continue to play follow-the-leader with the lemming who presently occupies the White House, come November, conservative voters will stay home in droves.


Scriptwriter Burt Prelutsky has writing credits from some of television’s best known series as well as having been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. [go to Prelutsky index]

Conservatives are from Mars
(Liberals are from San Francisco)
by Burt Prelutsky

As foolish and as gutless as I consider the Republicans to be on this hot button issue, I will not throw away my vote by pretending that there isn’t a scintilla of difference between the two parties. That is why I have never understood people who proudly announced they were Independents, just as I can’t imagine why anyone elects to go through life voting for Libertarians or Green Party candidates. Why not just hang a sign around your neck declaring yourself to be totally inconsequential?

These folks claim they’re sending a message, but when, in election after election, your candidates are lucky if they garner one percent of the vote, what message do you imagine you’re sending? The one that’s coming through is that whereas the symbols of the two major parties are the donkey and the elephant, yours might as well be the flea.

I realize that those who wish to identify with a third party regard themselves as extremely sophisticated, unwilling to align themselves with parties they regard as the political equivalents of Tweedledum and Tweedledee. In my opinion, they’re not sophisticated, merely frustrated. They dislike the compromises, the lobbying, and the trade-offs, that go with politics in America. While I don’t entirely blame them, I do regard them as hopelessly naïve.

The fact of the matter is that although every Republican is not a true blue conservative, and every Democrat isn’t a knee-jerk liberal, there remains a world of difference between the two groups.

Republicans believe in lower taxes because they have enough sense to recognize that the economy flourishes and jobs are created when businesses don’t see their profits sucked off by the bureaucrats in Washington. Democrats want taxes increased because it’s mother’s milk to them. By controlling the money supply, they are able to conduct social engineering on a massive scale.

Republicans believe in a strong military, whereas Democrats place their faith in the U.N.

Republicans believe in legal gun ownership, capital punishment, the three-strikes law, mandatory life sentences for child molesters, English as an official language, and a wall between us and Mexico. Democrats believe there’s no difference between your owning a gun and a gang member’s owning one. They oppose capital punishment, but are in favor of bi-lingual education, open borders, and ballots printed in a hundred different languages.

Republicans believe in private property, while Democrats believe municipalities have every right to take away your house and business, and handing them over to some other guy so long as he promises to increase the tax base by building a mini-mall on the site you once called home.

Republicans believe we are at war with Islamic fascists. Democrats believe there’s a lot to be said for the other side.

Republicans think this is the greatest country on the face of the earth. Democrats think that honor belongs to France.

Republicans think Ronald Reagan was a great president. Democrats think Carter and Clinton were. They also have good things to say about Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez. There just seems to be something about the letter “C” that strikes a chord with them.

Having said all that, I must admit that I dislike Independents more than I do Democrats because at least I know where liberals stand. But when people tell me they don’t vote for the party, they vote for the man, I experience the same queasy sensation as when I used to suffer from acid-reflux.

To me, it’s the height of arrogance for any of us to claim to know the man or woman based on what we get from TV. If you actually think you know George W. Bush or John McCain or Hillary Clinton, you’re fooling yourself. Every high-profile politician has been manufactured and sold through pretty much the same process that Madison Avenue employs to peddle a bar of soap or a bottle of beer.

Back in the days when Hollywood moguls ran the studios, they used to create stars in the same manner. If women looked and sounded a certain way, they would be typecast as wives and mothers, while others would enjoy careers as hookers, molls, and home-wreckers. What they were like in real life never entered into the equation. The same, of course, held true for the male leads. Sissies were often cast as tough guys, while heels were cast as heroes.

I vote the straight Republican ticket, not because I think the GOP is filled with great statesmen, but because, when all is said and done, I never want Democrats in a position to appoint federal judges. That’s the legacy that lingers long after the scoundrels have retired or gone on to that big pork barrel in the sky. The way I see it, one Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a lifetime is one too many! CRO

Copyright 2006 Burt Prelutsky





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