Conservatives are from Mars
It is such an outlandish statement that it hardly merits comment except to point out that these are four of the five nincompoops who voted the wrong way in this year’s infamous eminent domain case, and that Mrs. Ginsburg, in her former life, was chief counsel for the ACLU. However, in the rarified atmosphere in which New Yorker writers and readers reside, this is regarded as middle of the road. Believe me, by the time Dr. Ross had me on the table, both my back and my brain were in spasm.
But I was in for even more craziness after I wrote a piece in which I suggested that, for all their faults, Republican politicians were better than Democrats, and that conservatives who stayed home in November or vented their anger by voting for third party candidates ran the very real risk of shooting themselves in the foot.
I heard from hordes of disgruntled right-wingers, many of whom had the effrontery to accuse me of being (naïve) (stupid) (a liberal) (John McCain’s stooge) (all of the above).
As usual, I made it a point to reply to each of my critics, but I have to assume there were others who were simply too lazy to write or were willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. So I will take this opportunity to try to set the record straight.
I share the frustration of my fellow conservatives. I, too, have become increasingly disillusioned, not just with the president, but with his Republican cohorts in the capitol. They have squandered a golden opportunity to use their clout to effect real change in Washington. To many of us, they seem to have spent far more time trying to curry favor with Democrats than to promote a conservative agenda. Instead of behaving like the guys in control of the Oval Office and both houses of Congress, they’ve been mincing around like palace eunuchs frightened to death of offending the resident caliph.
The problem is that, all that being said, the Democrats are even worse. Sending a message to the GOP in 2006 by sitting out the election means putting liberals at the wheel. These lefties are dangerous enough when they’re merely backseat drivers.
A third party would be made up of right-wing dissidents, thus splitting the ranks of the Republicans, and ensuring that Senator Clinton gets to return to the White House, and not just on a visitor’s pass.
Sending a message to the Republican politicians by voting the incumbents out of office will simply result in their having to change careers, thus creating a glut of high- priced lobbyists. Big deal! It’s we, the people, who will have to suffer the dire consequences.
How’s this for a nightmare scenario? The year is 2008. The cast of characters include President Hillary Rodham Clinton, Secretary of State Ted Kennedy, Secretary of Defense John Kerry, Attorney General Al Gore, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Supreme Court Justice Bill Clinton, and Senate Sergeant-At-Arms Cynthia McKinney.
All you right-wingers who are seriously considering staying home in November or squandering your votes on third party nonentities should stop and consider the possible ramifications of your self-indulgent mischief.
But it’s a matter of principle, you say. We’ve got to do what we’ve got to do, you insist. What have we got to lose? Let’s just try it and see. What’s the worst that could happen?
The last person who said all those things, let me remind you, was Dr. Frankenstein. CRO
Copyright 2006 Burt Prelutsky