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Jr. – High Priest of the Weather Cult
now or pay hail...
[by Mac Johnson] 9/2/05
the mark of primitive societies that they often attribute natural
disasters to the wrath of Gods and Spirits. A drought is not
just a statistical aberration in long-term rainfall patterns.
A drought is Nature’s punishment for the spiritual misdeeds
of the farmers. Perhaps they forgot to sacrifice enough chickens.
Or possibly they cut down an Oak from the sacred grove. Or
maybe they just kept too much of their harvest for themselves,
rather than fully tithing to the Priest class, as the Gods
have instructed –according to the Priests, of course.
societies always have a Priest or Shaman class there to interpret
every sheep’s liver, meteor shower and rancid egg for
its own benefit. If it rains too much, it was no doubt because
the people failed to obey the Priest class. If it rains too
little, however, it is probably because the people failed to
obey the Priest class. So if the Priests need a new temple,
or a bigger statue, or a younger virgin, or another chicken
dinner, you peasants better pay up. Otherwise…it might
rain, or not rain, or perhaps the Earth will get warmer and
cause a big Hurricane that’ll wipe all you ignorant peons
clean off the face of the Earth.
Johnson is a freelance writer and biologist in Cambridge,
Mass. Mr. Johnson holds a Doctorate in Molecular and
Cellular Biology from Baylor College of Medicine. He
is a frequent opinion contributor to Human
Events Online. His website can be found at macjohnson.com [go
to Johnson index]
We, of course,
have advanced past the stage in which ignorant tithe-payers
ruled over by a class of fear-mongering weather-watching
Holy men, who stand ready to blame every hail storm and flash
flood on the spiritual sins of the masses –then demand
ever greater control and sacrifice to intervene with the weather
makers and protect society in the future.
Today, we know that bad weather is actually caused by the technological
sins of the masses and that our only hope of preventing future
bad weather is to give ever-greater control and sacrifice to
fear-mongering weather-watching know-it-alls like Robert F. Kennedy,
the world this week that Hurricane Katrina
punishment upon America for not signing the High Holy Kyoto
Protocol that he and the
other Priests of the Cult of Global Warming support.
thought Hurricanes were natural and somewhat random events
occurred for ages untold. True, but now Hurricanes
are angrier, because you won’t stop buying cars and ride
public transportation. This particular Hurricane was angry at
Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour for not believing in Global
Warming, so it decided to attack Louisiana and kill all the people
that could not leave because they didn’t own cars and depended
upon public transportation.
hurricanes are now clear evidence of Global Warming. And if
one hits you,
it’s a Republican’s fault. The
harsh winter many of us had last year was also clear evidence
of Global Warming. As are:
5) Heat waves
6) Cold snaps
7) Hail storms
9) Dust storms
10) Rising sea levels
11) Falling sea levels
13) El Nino
14) El Gringo
16) Ice bergs
goes on, because Global Warming is the Boogeyman –it’s
impossible to prove it’s not there, if you want to believe
it is. Every creak, pop, shadow, caterwaul, scratch and moth
at the window is proof of the Boogeyman and no amount of rational
discussion can change that. Essentially, those who want to prove
Global Warming is both real and man-made have set as their standard
of proof: weather. Unless it is 67 degrees, partly cloudy, with
winds out of the north northwest and we receive exactly 0.09
inches of rain per day --just like the records say is “average,” then
you have to believe in Global Warming and give control of the
world’s economy to men like Robert Kennedy.
If you fail
to give control of all technology and money to Euro-greenies
then you will just get hit with more weather. Don’t
make them make it snow this winter –surrender now!
thing would be funny, except that history shows that this sort
has actually formed the basis of remarkably
bad and stable governments for much of mankind’s grubby
One of America’s
historical gems, New Orleans, is drowned. Hundreds, if not
thousands of people are dead there. The Mississippi
gulf coast looks like an atom bomb test range. Scores are dead
there. Bodies are floating in the water. American refugee camps
are being constructed in sports arenas. Looters are running rampant.
And Robert Kennedy sees this as the perfect time to make a power
grab and tell the grieving families that a natural disaster was
actually a man-made catastrophe. Numerous others on the left,
from Boston to Berlin, have joined him.
They are simply the political equivalent of looters: thieves
who see in public tragedy an opportunity to satisfy their personal
desires. But they are worse than petty looters, for they would
steal far more than a TV and a rack of blue jeans. They would
steal control, to fight a foe that can never be beaten: the weather
2005 Mac Johnson