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Contributors
Mac
Johnson -
Contributor
Mac Johnson
is a freelance writer and biologist in Cambridge, Mass. Mr.
Johnson holds a Doctorate in Molecular and Cellular Biology
from Baylor College of Medicine. He is a frequent opinion contributor
to Human
Events Online. His website can be found at macjohnson.com [go
to Johnson index]
 'Good-Hearted
Folks' from across Big River
Continue to Add to Native American Economy...
[Mac Johnson] 7/13/05
Massachusetts,
July 1641 -- Councilmember Squanto put down his beans this
week and raised some hay, addressing the assembled
tribes on the delicate subject of continued uncontrolled immigration
into America from Europe. “If we cannot even control
who comes to our land and in what numbers,” he said “we
are no longer an independent people, but simply a colony for
outsiders to exploit.”
“Half of Europe would come here if we let them,” Squanto
continued, “can we take in every landless peasant in the
whole world and still remain a distinct nation? I don’t
blame the pilgrims for seeking a better life in America, but
their right to a better life ends at the border to our tribal
territory!”
“Your words of hate and exclusion shame us!” responded
the venerated and rotund Elder Councilmember Tahed Kenha-Di. “These
starving migrants from across the Big River do the jobs no self-respecting
Brave wants to do.” “Would you sit like squaw at
a loom day and night as their weavers do, simply to trade valuable
cloth for a few dozen worthless Beaver pelts?” Kenha-Di
then added, “The fact is our economy is now intimately
dependent upon the proud and harmless white men, many of whom
now reside on my tribe’s land and pay their tribute to
our council like everyone else. I’m proud to represent
the humble newcomers and their valuable trading centers!”
“Your words come from a bottle of the white man’s
firewater, you old bag of succotash!” interjected right
wing nut-brave Paw Trick Buka-Nin. “Their firesticks make
your tribe stronger every year and you would sell the rest of
us out to keep their gifts coming to your friends! We made fine
cloth here when I was a child! We did not have to trade for it.”
The hearing
then took an awkward turn as an especially red-faced Kenha-Di
responded
curtly “Your cloth smelled like a French
Trader and cost too many hard-earned beads!” Councilmember
Kenha-Di later issued a statement apologizing for the uncharacteristic
outburst, at the request of both the Societe du Marchand Francais
and the Penobsquat Traditional Weavers and Dyers Union.
The exchange is typical of the uncontrolled immigration debate,
however, which seems to be heating up throughout Indian Territory.
A sampling of comments from those outside the Council meeting
illustrates the diversity of opinion and depth of feeling on
this issue:
“Everyday I feel more like a stranger in my own land.
I feel overwhelmed by the numbers.” -Bob Running-Turtle,
New Bedford.
“I see the undocumented Europeans as a big plus: cheap
trade goods and exotic cuisine every Thanksgiving! What’s
not to like?” -Pocahontas RunningBear-Smith, Mystic River
Valley.
“For me it’s a simple matter of principal: they
have been told not to come here and they do anyway. If our laws
mean nothing to them, what sort of neighbors will they become?” -Flint “Sparky” Firestone,
Springfield.
“There’s enough land in America for everybody!
Let’s share.” -Dawn Clamdigger, Wellesley.
Such conflicting
opinion seemed to be reflected even in the Council’s decisions this session, which included both a
vote to appoint a blue-feather panel to investigate the impact
of the influx of Europeans on tribal jobs and an earlier vote
to establish a new trading post on land owned by Councilmember
Kenha-Di’s cousin. Although a decades-old resolution calling
for a war party to guard the border is still technically in effect,
the Council again failed to fund the expedition and denounced
as “vigilantes” a group of braves who volunteered
their time to guard the tribal borderlands.
Reacting
to this latest controversy in the chronic debate over illegal
immigration
of Europeans, United Tribes Chief Little-Tree
called for calm and understanding. “We’re all immigrants
in this country. Whether you crossed the yet-to-be-named Bering
Straits thousands of years ago, or just hopped off on Plymouth
Rock this morning, we are all nothing but wandering Africans
deep down inside, and we’re all just glad to be here in
America. These good-hearted folks from across the Big River are
simply the latest wanderers in our inexhaustible land of plenty.
Like I said at the treaty signing yesterday --where we all promised
to get along forever-- a pilgrim is just a friend you haven’t
met yet, and you can’t have too many friends! Thank you!
Gods Bless! No questions.”
Renowned
tribal economist Jethro Eagle-Eye points to a simple explanation
for the inaction
of the Chief and Council on this
hot-button issue. “The Economy is doing well. Council supporters
are earning record revenues off the hide and fur trade. And to
be terribly clever in my overreaching pronouncements, the concept
of ‘borders’ may have outlived it usefulness in an
era of unprecedented globalization. You see, from a free trade
perspective, the Indian-Pilgrim relationship is a good deal for
both parties. We have a surplus of land and need cheap goods.
They have a surplus of labor and need land. Besides, what’s
the worst that could happen? I mean, these people couldn’t
even grow their own corn a few years ago. Well, they call it ‘corn’.
We call it ‘maize’. But soon they’ll learn
our ways and then they’ll call it ‘maize’ too.” tOR
This piece first appeared at Human
Events Online
copyright
2005 Mac Johnson
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