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Mac Johnson - Contributor

Mac Johnson is a freelance writer and biologist in Cambridge, Mass. Mr. Johnson holds a Doctorate in Molecular and Cellular Biology from Baylor College of Medicine. He is a frequent opinion contributor to Human Events Online. His website can be found at [go to Johnson index]

Knife Control
Thank goodness for the nanny state...

[Mac Johnson] 6/2/05

Consider the following domestic scene and see if you can spot what might be wrong with it:

Husband: “I think I’ll add a little more oregano to the sauce.”

Wife: “No, I think it has enough already.”

Husband: “DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!” [while stabbing wife to death]

Did you catch how wrong that was? There was a knife in that kitchen. That is pretty much the conclusion of a British physicians’ group regarding “knife crime” in Britain, as reported by the BBC last week.

According to the report, many stabbings appear to involve pointy objects, at least some of which may be knives. Disturbingly, many of these knives can be found in unsuspecting kitchens throughout Britain, having slipped past existing weapons laws under the beguiling title of “kitchen knives.”

The madness of kitchen knives, the enemy within, does not stop there, however. The report also noted researchers’ belief that: “many assaults are committed impulsively, prompted by alcohol and drugs, and a kitchen knife often makes an all too available weapon.”

Now, when an impulsive person can’t even get whacked out of his mind on drugs and alcohol without getting into trouble in the kitchen, clearly something needs to be done. But what? Is there some sensible and practical measure we could take that might remove this threat from society? Why, yes, there is. The physicians group stated, and I quote:

“We suggest that banning the sale of long pointed knives is a sensible and practical measure.”

Of course! Long, pointed knives are exactly the kind that might get stabbed into people. No wonder those Doctors got into medical school.

With this single report, the modern safety police have done more to parody themselves than opponents could do in a lifetime. Gun ownership in the United Kingdom having been practically banned, “Knife Control” has now come of age. The idea of knife control was once a joke proffered by opponents of gun control in an attempt to show where the anti-gun mentality could lead, if taken to its illogical conclusion. It has now been taken to its illogical conclusion.

In the world of the left, the fact that some men and women are violent, irresponsible, impulsive, drug-addicted, or evil is not a problem. The problem is simply that any of us have the power to act. It is OK to want to kill. It is OK to be a drug addict. It is OK to have little control over your emotions. It is OK to be an evil 200 lb. child, essentially. It’s just wrong that somebody gave you access to solid food and sharp objects.

So, rather than enforce laws that remove from society those people that have a demonstrated inability to behave acceptably, and lock them away in an environment where they can be treated as evil or stupid, the better solution is to pass laws treating every citizen as though he might be evil or stupid.

Modern society is being turned into one grand minimum-security institution –an institution where experts can decide what we really need; and keep us safe from ourselves.

Experts such as physicians, or the 10 “top chefs” cited by the physicians in their call to knife control: “None of the chefs felt such knives were essential, since the point of a short blade was just as useful when a sharp end was needed.” Only Chefs should be trusted with Chef’s knives. The rest of us should have only short little blades when we need a point, or else have knives with blunt round tips for those times when a longer blade is needed –rather like those little blunt-tipped scissors we all had in kindergarten.

Sure, it’s possible to still carve up someone’s face with the sharp edge on a blunt “safety” knife, but that’s acceptable --since you’ll probably survive having your ears lopped off in anger by the impulsive imbecile your government failed to protect you from. Compare such minor slashing wounds with those caused by a pointed big-boy knife, which, it was said “pierces the body like ‘cutting into a ripe melon’". The report did not suggest how, after such knives are banned, one might cut into ripe melons. Perhaps you could ask an expert to do it with his properly licensed Chef’s knife.

If you have any doubt as to the elitist nature of such nanny state nonsense, designed to protect the little man from his little brain (or at least the little brain of his paroled neighbor, whom the elite need not live near) consider one of the examples the physicians group cited to show what a sensible and practical idea the proposed ban on long pointed knives is: “French laws in the 17th century decreed that the tips of table and street knives be ground smooth.”

The standard for proper government of the masses is again, apparently, the reign of the autocratic Sun-King of France circa 1650.

It’s good to be the King –he can have a pointy knife if he wants.

copyright 2005 Mac Johnson



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