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Speed Dating With Russert & Hillary...
A transcript comes in over the transom…

[by Patrick Hurley]

Dateline: Washington D.C.
Moderator: Tim Russert, NBC News

“I am Tim Russert and this is, ‘Meet the Press.’ Our guest today is the honorable Senator from New York, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Good morning, Senator Clinton!”

“Good morning, Mr. Russert. I am a big fan of yours! I watched you when this show debuted in 1955…”

“Uh, Senator Clinton, I was not the host back then. I was only five years old. I was too young to…”

“Of course, you were, Tim! Like you, I am young and vibrant, too. In fact, Bill still calls me, ‘his best girl!’ I am his cheerleader. He is a wonderful President!”

Patrick Hurley

Patrick Hurley is an independent conservative thinker living in Orange County, California. He has addressed over six million people in 47 states nationwide and won three Emmy awards for television comedy.[go to Hurley index]

“Senator Clinton, uh, your husband is no longer the President. George W. Bush is in the Oval Office now…”

“Well, think what you will, Tim; but we are still in the White House despite the lies of the vast right-wing conspiracy that claims we are not.”

“Senator, all joking aside…”

(Hillary stares at him with a straight face)

“Uh, there is talk Senator Clinton that you are the leading candidate for the Democratic nomination for President. How do you respond to that?”

“Being the President of the United States has been a dream of mine since I was a young girl growing up in New York City, Tim!”

“Your bio says you grew up in Park Ridge, Illinois, Senator…”

“”Yes, that is my Illinois bio. The land of Lincoln. I love Chicago, the city of big shoulders, the Midwest, the Cubs, the White Sox even more right now, snow on Christmas morning, the changing of the leaves in the fall, Norman Rockwell, humidity…”

“But, you just said you grew up in New York City?”

“Yes, Tim, I did.”

“You did grow up in New York City?”

“No, I said I was a little girl growing up in New York City when we would visit there in the summertime. I loved ice skating in Rockefeller Center, Broadway shows, the United Nations building, the Statue of Liberty, Mickey Mantle, the Empire State Building, King Kong, Fay Wray, small airplanes…”

“It also says here in your bio that you were a conservative Republican in high school?”

“Yes, I would consider myself a conservative…”

(Gasping) “You are a CONSERVATIVE, Senator Clinton?”

“Yes, I am moderate to liberal in the conservative sense. Absolutely. I believe in welfare, free lunches, food stamps, socialized health care, big government, personal responsibility, state’s rights and a strong work ethic. I also believe in a woman’s right to choose and I definitely favor the side of pro-life and homosexual unions as long as they are not same-sex marriages. I love the Young Rascals…people ought to be free!”

“And…the war in Iraq?”

“I have made my position clear on this several times. I am behind President Clinton 100% and I support the man who made the mistake of getting us into this war, too. I think if we pull out now it would be wrong, sure. But, we need to pull out as soon as possible, because too many of our fighting men and women are dying over there and we need to bring them home for Christmas either this year or next year or the year after that. Or after that. We should never have been in Iraq but we need to win this war!”


“While we are on the air, I would like to say hello to all my Jewish brethren out there….” (waves into the camera)

“Senator Clinton, I had no idea you were Jewish?”

“Yes, I am. On my mother’s side. Her second cousin married a man whose brother in-law is Jewish. I am very proud of my Israeli heritage. Being part English, Irish, Italian and Muslim….”


“Yes, I found out I was actually related to the prophet Mohammed.”

“I always assumed you were a Caucasian, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant…”

“…Buddhist, Hindu, Kwanza-worshipping, Scientologist who ADORES asian food cooked with Hispanic spices…yes. I am.”

“Which makes you….”

“A President for all the people, Tim. And, that is why…”

“That is why?”

(Stands up and begins singing and shaking her body in dance) “I Can’t Stop Thinking ‘Bout Tomorrow!” (As she continues to dance and shimmy Tim closes the interview)

“That is our interview for today with Senator Hillary Clinton…”

“Dance with me, Tim! Hi to all my friends out there…Osama bin Laden, Jerry Falwell, Jesse Jackson, Markie Post, Michael Jackson, Barbra Streisand, the Little Engine that Could, Bert and Ernie, Sky King and Penny, Oprah, Winky Dink and you…”

(Begins dancing with her) “Next week we welcome the leading Republican candidate for President, Senator Hillary Clinton of New York! Thanks for watching!” (Tim and Hillary sing, “Can’t Stop Thinking ‘Bout Tomorrow…”)

Fade out -one-


copyright 2005 Patrick Hurley




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