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Dating With Russert & Hillary...
A transcript comes in over the transom…
[by Patrick Hurley] 12/2/05
Dateline:
Washington D.C.
Moderator:
Tim Russert, NBC News
“I
am Tim Russert and this is, ‘Meet the Press.’ Our
guest today is the honorable Senator from New York, Hillary
Rodham Clinton. Good morning, Senator Clinton!”
“Good
morning, Mr. Russert. I am a big fan of yours! I watched you
when this show debuted in 1955…”
“Uh,
Senator Clinton, I was not the host back then. I was only five
years old. I was too young to…”
“Of
course, you were, Tim! Like you, I am young and vibrant, too.
In fact, Bill still calls me, ‘his best girl!’ I
am his cheerleader. He is a wonderful President!”
Contributor
Patrick Hurley
Patrick Hurley is an independent conservative thinker living
in Orange County, California. He has addressed over six million
people in 47 states nationwide and won three Emmy awards for
television comedy.[go
to Hurley index]
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“Senator Clinton, uh, your husband is no longer the President.
George W. Bush is in the Oval Office now…”
“Well, think what you will, Tim; but we
are still in the White House despite the lies of the vast right-wing
conspiracy
that claims we are not.”
“Senator, all joking aside…”
(Hillary stares at him with a straight face)
“Uh, there is talk Senator Clinton that
you are the leading candidate for the Democratic nomination
for President. How do
you respond to that?”
“Being the President of the United States
has been a dream of mine since I was a young girl growing up
in New York City,
Tim!”
“Your bio says you grew up in Park Ridge, Illinois, Senator…”
“”Yes, that is my Illinois bio. The land of Lincoln.
I love Chicago, the city of big shoulders, the Midwest, the Cubs,
the White Sox even more right now, snow on Christmas morning,
the changing of the leaves in the fall, Norman Rockwell, humidity…”
“But, you just said you grew up in New
York City?”
“Yes, Tim, I did.”
“You did grow up in New York City?”
“No, I said I was a little girl growing up in New York
City when we would visit there in the summertime. I loved ice
skating in Rockefeller Center, Broadway shows, the United Nations
building, the Statue of Liberty, Mickey Mantle, the Empire State
Building, King Kong, Fay Wray, small airplanes…”
“It also says here in your bio that you
were a conservative Republican in high school?”
“Yes, I would consider myself a conservative…”
(Gasping) “You are a CONSERVATIVE, Senator
Clinton?”
“Yes, I am moderate to liberal in the conservative sense.
Absolutely. I believe in welfare, free lunches, food stamps,
socialized health care, big government, personal responsibility,
state’s rights and a strong work ethic. I also believe
in a woman’s right to choose and I definitely favor the
side of pro-life and homosexual unions as long as they are not
same-sex marriages. I love the Young Rascals…people ought
to be free!”
“And…the war in Iraq?”
“I have made my position clear on this
several times. I am behind President Clinton 100% and I support
the man who
made the mistake of getting us into this war, too. I think if
we pull out now it would be wrong, sure. But, we need to pull
out as soon as possible, because too many of our fighting men
and women are dying over there and we need to bring them home
for Christmas either this year or next year or the year after
that. Or after that. We should never have been in Iraq but we
need to win this war!”
“So..um…well…”
“While we are on the air, I would like to say hello to
all my Jewish brethren out there….” (waves into the
camera)
“Senator Clinton, I had no idea you were
Jewish?”
“Yes, I am. On my mother’s side. Her second cousin
married a man whose brother in-law is Jewish. I am very proud
of my Israeli heritage. Being part English, Irish, Italian and
Muslim….”
“Muslim?”
“Yes, I found out I was actually related to the prophet Mohammed.”
“I always assumed you were a Caucasian, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant…”
“…Buddhist, Hindu, Kwanza-worshipping, Scientologist
who ADORES asian food cooked with Hispanic spices…yes.
I am.”
“Which makes you….”
“A President for all the people, Tim. And, that is why…”
“That is why?”
(Stands up and begins singing and shaking her
body in dance) “I
Can’t Stop Thinking ‘Bout Tomorrow!” (As she
continues to dance and shimmy Tim closes the interview)
“That is our interview for today with Senator Hillary
Clinton…”
“Dance with me, Tim! Hi to all my friends out there…Osama
bin Laden, Jerry Falwell, Jesse Jackson, Markie Post, Michael
Jackson, Barbra Streisand, the Little Engine that Could, Bert
and Ernie, Sky King and Penny, Oprah, Winky Dink and you…”
(Begins dancing with her) “Next week we welcome the leading
Republican candidate for President, Senator Hillary Clinton of
New York! Thanks for watching!” (Tim and Hillary sing, “Can’t
Stop Thinking ‘Bout Tomorrow…”)
Fade out -one-
copyright
2005 Patrick Hurley
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