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Doug Gamble- Contributor

Doug Gamble is a former writer for President Ronald Reagan and resides in Carmel. [go to Gamble index]

Season's Greetings, From Bad To Verse
Holiday odes to Gray and Arnold, Tom and Arianna, Peter C. and Mark G.

[Doug Gamble] 12/24/03

Christmas is almost upon us and I still haven't mailed my cards. It's a little late now, so with apologies to the readers I'd like to use this forum to send seasonal greetings to some of the people on my list.


Gray Davis:

The Grinch came early for you this year, the first week in October.

The voters decided they'd had enough and really worked you over.

With blackouts, deficits and general malaise you weren't a popular guy.

Hope you hung mistletoe above your desk to kiss your job goodbye.


Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Merry Christmas to the governor, and all those kinds of things.

Thanks to you the state GOP has gone from bums to kings.

Even Santa Claus is happy and will reward you Christmas day,

For removing the tripled car tax on his reindeer and his sleigh.

But I'm afraid you won't meet Mrs. Claus the way that you had hoped.

Santa just can't take a chance that his missus might be groped.

And Gray Davis is sending you a gift that may not ring your chimes.

It's a lifetime subscription to, you guessed it, the L.A. Times.

Your Christmas stocking should be richly stuffed the way I see and judge it.

Much better than when the Democrats tell you where to stuff your next budget.


Tom McClintock:

Have a great conservative Yuletide

Starting Christmas Day at dawn.

Sitting 'round the tree you spied

And chopped down on the Sierra Club's lawn.

Less taxes, regulation and government waste

To your supporters they're just the thing.

Please partake of our bird; it's got a great taste,

And we'll save you the whole right wing.


Arianna Huffington:

Your Christmas might not be so good this year,

You might even call it a bummer.

I just saw the way Santa's getting here,

He's riding in a Hummer.


Peter Camejo:

You dreamed of a Green Christmas, but the voters wouldn't let you do it.

When it comes to giving handouts for free, Santa Claus beat you to it.


Cruz Bustamante:

Greetings to the lieutenant guv, the quintessential leftist.

The way you ran for higher office was certainly not the deftest.

Driver's licenses for illegals bombed along with taxes going higher.

And the Indian gaming money you took just put your feet to the fire.

St. Nick would like to give you a gift that might keep the voters from mocking,

But he still hasn't figured out a way to get charisma into a stocking.


Bill Lockyer:

Christmas nuts are big this time of year

In all their salty best.

But you've behaved like one, I fear

In a real eccentric fest.

You told Gray Davis his politics

Are the kind that make you puke.

Then you voted for Arnold, among your strange tricks

What a Bustamante rebuke.

The only Christmas snow in Sacramento town

Is the kind that's just a fake.

But Republicans hope you'll stay around

And keep acting like a flake.


Mark Geragos:

If Santa ever needs a lawyer your place in history is cemented.

He's the last remaining celebrity that you haven't represented.

Merry Christmas to readers who either celebrate it or aren't offended by the sentiment, and a Happy New Year to all.


Doug Gamble has written for Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush and other prominent Republicans.

Copyright 2003 Doug Gamble




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